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Loss, Grief, Transition & Transformation

My goal as a coach is to help guide you as you navigate through loss, grief, transition and transformation. With my guidance, you will gain the keys necessary to unlock and discover what awaits you beyond the door. Are you ready to unlock your future?

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What is Loss?

 

Loss is failure to keep someone or something. It’s having someone or something leave or taken away. It can be inadvertent or accidental. It’s generally unrecoverable, and unanticipated. It creates an unfillable void. It’s universal, inevitable, inescapable and part of life.  It’s personal and should not be compared to another’s. It craves validity.

Loss shows up in many forms:

  • Loss of significant person through separation: death, illness, divorce, relocation, military duty, incarceration, missing person

  • Loss of pet: death, illness

  • Loss of bodily function: sexual, hearing, sight, mobility, speech, mental capacities 

  • Loss of safety: unanticipated/traumatic events, crime, vulnerable feelings after betrayal

  • Loss of body image/change in appearance: aging, weight, body part through surgery/ accident

  • Loss of relationship: death, divorce, break-up, pet, illness, birth, adoption, miscarriage

  • Loss of home/property: homelessness, natural/man-made disasters, aging, insolvency

  • Loss of health: medical conditions, physical/mental illnesses, disabilities, debilitating/terminal 

  • Loss of an object: favorite thing, treasured heirlooms (i.e., misplaced, lost, destroyed, stolen)

  • Loss of a role: occupation, friendships/relationships, high school/college graduation

  • Loss of innocence: early sexual experiences, growing up to soon advertising/media influences

  • Loss of control: natural/man-made disasters, accidents, social conditions, hospitalization

  • Loss of job/career: downsizing, layoffs, retirement, career change 

  • Loss of income: financial stability

  • Loss of opportunity/plans/hopes/dreams: miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth, adoption, infertility, relationship, job, career, failure at something important

  • Loss of identity: marriage, remarriage, step-family, career, empty nest syndrome, relocation, retirement

  • Loss of religious beliefs: questioning beliefs, disillusioned with church/organized religion, impact of sexual misconduct scandals

  • Loss of freedom: political, employment, military, incarceration, disease 

  • Loss of independence: change in living situation (e.g., assisted living, entering nursing home, moving in with family, marriage/divorce/separation/breakup)

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What is Grief?

 

Grief is a response to loss. It’s a natural, NORMAL reaction. It’s built on emotions, not logics. It’s an expression of our thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are connected to the loss of someone or something significant; something we deeply value. It can be complex, intense, debilitating and interruptive. There are often many layers of grief to work through. It’s very unique, personal and can be very painful. It’s up and down. It is emotional suffering and perhaps our biggest challenge in life. 

Emotional pain is not a sign of weakness. Your most recent grief may be connected to a past loss and you may not even realize that you are actually attempting to process more than one. Some may be consumed with grief for years, proving too difficult and become so complicated that it just never gets resolved. It what gives one a chance to come to terms with loss, and to make sense of their new reality without that person, thing or way of life.  

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There is no wrong or right way to grieve. Depending on the attachment to your loss, will most likely affect how long your grief lasts and what your reactions are to the loss. There’s no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. How we cope is by experiencing and truly “feeling” our reactions to the loss. There is no recipe for grieving or coping; it’s as individual as the pain you are experiencing. Progression happens gradually. It can’t be forced or hurried. Whatever your grief experience, 

 

Don’t feel ashamed about how you are feeling or believe that it’s only proper to grieve for certain things. Your grief need not be compared to another’s, as stated, it’s personal. How we grieve depends on our personalities, life experiences, how we cope with other things, faith/ religious beliefs, how important or significant the loss. Rejecting or trying to “push our feelings down” or “bury them” for our sake or the sake of others (be that out of not wanting to “feel” our feelings, save ourselves from embarrassment or because we believe that our natural reactions may alienate us from others) is both unhealthy and unhelpful in the long run.


Grief is helped when our feelings are acknowledged and accepted, when you find support and when you allow time, which can ease your sadness so you may move on to a more fulfilling life. It’s an opportunity take a healthy approach to cope with your pain.

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Coping mechanisms for grief include:

  • Sad or down

  • Frequent crying

  • Emptiness, resentment

  • Overwhelm, loneliness, isolation or withdrawn

  • Hopeless (like you can’t go on, thoughts of suicide or self-harm)

  • Stress, anxiousness, exhaustion or confusion

  • Shock, disbelief, denial, numbness, 

  • Anger, yearning, guilt, shame, blame or relief

  • Lack of faith, anger toward God

  • Not feeling yourself or acting differently than usual

  • Not enjoying your normal activities or hobbies

  • Difficulties concentrating or making decisions

  • Change in eating habits (too much or not enough)

  • Change in sleeping patterns (too much or not enough)

  • Making mistakes at work or school (overwork/underwork)

  • Excessive shopping

  • Headaches, stomach upset or pain, hair loss, dizziness, difficulty breathing, etc.

  • Difficulties or tension in personal relationships (loved ones may cope differently with the loss)

  • Increased alcohol, smoking or drug use

The above are common and you may experience different emotions and reactions at different times. Some you may experience individually, some at once. They are part of our coping mechanism as we try to really make sense of the loss, and how it is affecting our life.

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What is Transition?

 

It’s the process, movement, passage or period of changing from one state, position or condition to another. Many ask the question “what does the process entail”, “how long will it take”, “how do I cope”? Contrary to what some believe, there are no “stages” you go through, and there is no wrong or right way to grieve. Depending on the attachment to your loss, will most likely affect how long your grief lasts and what your reactions are to the loss. There’s no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. How we cope is by experiencing and truly “feeling” our reactions to the loss. There is no recipe for grieving or coping; it’s as individual as the pain you are experiencing. Progression happens gradually. It can’t be forced or hurried. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold. 

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Don’t feel ashamed about how you are feeling or believe that it’s only proper to grieve for certain things. Your grief need not be compared to another’s, as stated, it’s personal. How we grieve depends on our personalities, life experiences, how we cope with other things, faith/ religious beliefs, how important or significant the loss. Rejecting or trying to “push our feelings down” or “bury them” for our sake or the sake of others (be that out of not wanting to “feel” our feelings, save ourselves from embarrassment or because we believe that our natural reactions may alienate us from others) is both unhealthy and unhelpful in the long run.


Grief is helped when our feelings are acknowledged and accepted, when you find support and when you allow time, which can ease your sadness so you may move on to a more fulfilling life. It’s an opportunity take a healthy approach to cope with your pain.

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What is Transformation?

 

Transforming is an act, process, instance of transforming or being transformed. It’s a thorough or dramatic change, an alter in character, especially so that a thing or person is improved. In order to truly transform one has to allow, accept, live their grief and “grow” from it.

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