GRIEF – Questions Answered

What is grief?

It is a natural, NORMAL reaction. It is built on emotions, not logic. It is an expression of our thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are connected to the loss of someone or something significant; something we deeply value. It can be complex, intense, debilitating, and interruptive. There are often many layers of grief to work through. It is incredibly unique, personal and can be very painful. It is up and down. It is emotional suffering and perhaps our biggest challenge in life.

Why do I feel embarrassed, ashamed, and "weak" in my grief?

Most likely you are viewing your emotional pain as a sign of weakness. It is NOT a sign of weakness. Your most recent grief may be connected to a past loss, and you may not even realize that you are attempting to process more than one. Do not feel ashamed about how you are feeling or believe that it is only proper to grieve for certain things. Your grief need not be compared to another’s, as stated, it is personal. How we grieve depends on our personalities, life experiences, how we cope with other things, faith/religious beliefs, how important or significant the loss. Emotional pain is what gives one a chance to come to terms with loss, and to make sense of their new reality without that person, thing, or way of life.

​Is there a right or wrong way to grieve?

There is no wrong or right way to grieve. Depending on the attachment to your loss, will most likely affect how long your grief lasts and what your reactions are to the loss. There is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. How we cope is by experiencing and truly “feeling” our reactions to the loss. There is no recipe for grieving or coping; it is as individual as the pain you are experiencing. Progression happens gradually; it should not be forced or hurried. Whatever your grief experiences, it is important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.

How long will I grieve?

Many ask the question “how long will I grieve", “how long will I feel like this”? Contrary to what some believe, there are no “stages” you go through, and there is no wrong or right way to grieve. Depending on the attachment to your loss, will most likely affect how long your grief lasts and what your reactions are to the loss. Some people may be consumed with grief for years, proving too difficult and become so complicated that it just never gets resolved.

Can my grief be helped?

Yes, grief is helped when our feelings are acknowledged and accepted, when you find support and when you allow time, which can ease your sadness so you may move on to a more fulfilling life. It is an opportunity take a healthy approach to cope with your pain.

What will happen if I just ignore my grief?

Rejecting or trying to “push our feelings down” or “bury them” for our sake or the sake of others (be that out of not wanting to “feel” our feelings, save ourselves from embarrassment or because we believe that our natural reactions may alienate us from others) is both unhealthy and unhelpful in the long run. What many do not realize is excessive drinking, gambling, eating, shopping, and many other addictions may very well stem from unresolved grief.

If you are struggling with your grief, it is of great benefit to contact a professionally trained life coach that specializes in loss, grief, and end of life.

Your feedback is welcome. Please feel free to leave a comment or question. If you would like Coaching Beyond the Door blog updates delivered to your inbox, you are cordially invited to subscribed to our website. Sign up here! And tap the “Contact" tab.