Loss, Grief and Mourning. What's the difference?

LOSS is the instance of losing someone or something.

Loss is failure to keep someone or something. It is having someone, or something leave or taken away. It can be inadvertent or accidental. It is generally unrecoverable, and unanticipated. It creates an unfillable void. It is universal, inevitable, inescapable, and part of life. It is personal and should not be compared to another’s. It craves validity. It is a reminder that nothing is permanent.

Loss shows up in many forms:

·Loss of person through separation: death, miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth, adoption, illness, divorce, relocation, military duty, incarceration, missing person

·Loss of pet: death, illness

·Loss of bodily function: sexual, hearing, sight, mobility, speech, mental capacities

·Loss of safety: unanticipated/traumatic events, crime, vulnerable feelings after betrayal

·Loss of body image/change in appearance: aging, weight, body part through surgery/ accident

·Loss of relationship: death, divorce, break-up, pet, illness, birth, adoption, miscarriage

·Loss of home/property: homelessness, natural/man-made disasters, aging, insolvency

·Loss of health: medical conditions, physical/mental illnesses, disabilities, debilitating/terminal

·Loss of an object: favorite thing, treasured heirlooms (i.e., misplaced, lost, destroyed, stolen)

·Loss of a role: occupation, friendships/relationships, high school/college graduation

·Loss of innocence: early sexual experiences, growing up too soon advertising/media influences

·Loss of control: natural/man-made disasters, accidents, social conditions, hospitalization

·Loss of job/career: downsizing, layoffs, retirement, career change

·Loss of income: financial stability

·Loss of opportunity/plans/hopes/dreams: miscarriage, still birth, adoption, infertility, relationship, job, career, failure at something important

·Loss of identity: marriage, remarriage, stepfamily, career, empty nest syndrome, relocation, retirement

·Loss of religious beliefs: questioning beliefs, disillusioned with church/organized religion, impact of sexual misconduct scandals

·Loss of freedom: political, employment, military, incarceration, disease

·Loss of independence: change in living situation (e.g., assisted living, entering nursing home, moving in with family, marriage/divorce/separation/breakup)

GRIEF is the internal response to loss. The thoughts and feelings that accompany a loss.

It is a natural, NORMAL reaction. It is built on emotions, not logic. It is an expression of our thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are connected to the loss of someone or something significant; something we deeply value. It can be complex, intense, debilitating, and interruptive. There are often many layers of grief to work through. It is incredibly unique, personal and can be very painful. It is up and down. It is emotional suffering and perhaps our biggest challenge in life.

MOURNING is the external response to loss. It’s how feelings of grief are shown to the public.

Having a funeral, burial, visitation/wake, or celebration of life. A funeral procession to the graveside. Depending on cultural backgrounds and countries, wearing black clothing, or wearing an arm band is a sign of mourning. An act of withdrawal from social events. Hanging a black wreath on a door. Flying a flag at half-mast. Weeping, wailing, aching, pining, fainting, moaning, praying, and telling stories of the deceased are signs of mourning.

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